What the Teacher Wants You to Know: A Must-Read for Parents

As the daughter of a former principal and a former school teacher, and a close friend to many teachers, I’ve been privy to stories of all types as they relate to parent and student interactions.  And there have been times that I was shocked at the audacity of some parents and touched by the sensitivity of others.

Teaching is hard work. And I felt compelled to have a post up that shines the light on “What the Teacher Wants You to Know,” specifically as it applies to your interactions with your child’s classroom teacher, as well as your child’s own educational path.

So I reached out to a small group of current and former teachers, ranging from grades K-12 in the New York/New Jersey area and asked them to provide their perspectives.  These guidelines (and humorous anecdotes) are real and perhaps will provide the chance for us all to reflect on what’s acceptable and unacceptable when it comes to dealing with school matters.

Like, say, showing up drunk to a parent/teacher conference.  Or stalking a teacher in a parking lot.

Never ok.

And yes, both did happen. Keep reading.

The following are actual responses from these teachers, and they’re posted below in italics. To protect their identities, the teachers who contributed to this post will remain anonymous.

 

Parents are the Biggest Influence on their Childs Lives

Please parents don’t tell kids “I hate math or can’t do math”.  It makes the teacher’s job a ton harder.  You may not understand what their homework is on a particular night, but you can definitely ask to see their notebook, planner, binder, etc.

 

 

 

The Teacher is Just Doing Their Job!

In my last year teaching, my fourth-graders were still working on learning to be responsible and follow directions carefully. So one of my components to a project was writing their name on the project itself. It is only worth one point however, it saves lots of time and confusion when I have 70 projects to grade and 10 of them are not missing a name. Inevitably, I had a few children not write their name and received one less point. Most children just keep that lesson stored in their mind and pretty much never forget their name afterwards.

I had one parent who insisted I change the grade (from 99 to 100) and wrote me an email every day for a week. I replied to her politely that it’s a lesson in responsibility and the children need to be mindful of their work and following directions. And if changed it for her daughter, I would have to change it for everyone. Of course she wouldn’t let it go and we needed to have a hour-long meeting with my principal -for one point! I was very grateful that my principal supported my decision for the one point considering that it really would not affect her overall grade in any way shape or form. The kicker in all of this is that the parent was a fourth-grade teacher herself.

 ——————–

I had a set of parents that felt I was treating their child unfairly.  They stalked me in the parking lot after school one day to scream at me which was taken into my principal’s office. A week later they were back in the principal’s office telling her that I was the best teacher their child had ever had.  

 ———————-

One thing I wish parents knew was if you have a problem with your teacher talk to the teacher first. Don’t skip right to administration. Nothing more annoying than that!

———————–

I can’t stand when people say teaching is the easiest job. It is tough! You have to be on from the minute those kids walk in to the minute they leave. Then most of us either tutor after school or have a second job. Bills don’t stop in the summer-most teachers work all summer.

————————– 

I remember a scenario where a little girl who was very sweet but also very anxious to please, obviously cheated on a test. I watched her during the test try to look at her friend’s paper and then her answers were exactly the same. I had to call her mother and let her know. I didn’t want the child to be punished but I wanted her mother to let her know that she was struggling in school and obviously felt badly about it enough to cheat. Her mother kept me on the phone for two hours basically berating me and pointing fingers in every direction other than toward the truth.

 

Strangest Conversation with a Parent

Strangest subject I have ever had to discuss with a parent was that their child smells.

————————- 

My very first year teaching I had a parent before Christmas ask me my bra and underwear size. When I received a gift of lingerie for Christmas I only later found out that she worked for a well-known lingerie company.

 ————————–

One of the strangest parent teacher conferences I had was with a drunk parent…Don’t drink before your parent teacher conference! 

 

 

 

Let Your Child Choose their Own Path

Just because your oldest kid went to college to study accounting doesn’t mean that your youngest will be doomed for life if they aren’t an accountant. This works for any high-powered career.

 ————————

I “love” it when parents say things like, “how can my child get into a college engineering program” without consulting their child if they really want to be an engineer. Parents live vicariously through their kids and essentially are competing with other parents. Most kids I meet are less stressed than their parents are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Struggle Is OK

Demanding better grades for kids serves no purpose. Kids who are needy in high school will struggle in college when things aren’t handed to them. Struggle is ok. It’s healthy. 

 

Grades are not an indication of how special and wonderful your child is. They’re not an indication of how good a parent you are. They are tool just like anything else. To ignore grades completely or to be overly concerned about them is not a good strategy to help your child learn the lessons they need for life.

 

 

With parent/teacher conferences fast approaching, I hope you found these perspectives helpful.  My major takeaways from this?

• If you feel something is not right, talk to the teacher first. He/She is the one spending the most time with your child, not the administration. See how the teacher assesses the situation and understand his/her point of view before going any further.
• Make sure what you are saying to your child’s teacher is appropriate in the school environment. And whatever you do, don’t show up drunk or impaired.
• And lastly, a little struggle is ok. It teaches students that hard work is needed for success. And after all, isn’t that exactly what we want for our kids?

 

oxox

-mom a la mode

{Photos courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.  Ariana Garbaccio contributed to this post.}